I Am Trying to Break Your Heart

Following bands is very psychological and can be confusing at times. Here are some tongue-in-cheek guidelines to keep you from embarrassing yourself and others.


DO have fun!
DON'T apologize for your originality or your enthusiasm
DON'T blow off your girlfriends to see a band.(Hos before bros~)
DON'T for a minute forget (male) musicians are MEN,first and foremost.
DO take a breather if you have been following a band over a month
DO know they appreciate your attendance at their gigs
DO have a sense of humor and a thick skin
DO remember what works with one band doesn't necessarily work with another
DO understand that your family and friends won't approve of their lifestyle
DON'T quit your job to follow a band, even if you are independently wealthy
DO be objective if they ask you how they sound
DO remember their friends are not YOUR friends
DON'T go to gigs alone
DON'T admit you know a band member's name if you've never met them before
DON'T email videos of their shows
DON'T send them anything through the mail
DON'T let the band know that you have memorized their astrological signs
DO take photos
DON'T be the paparazzi
DO be a fan
DON'T be a fanatic
DON'T follow a band you've just met to a club they're going to after the gig
DON'T give them gifts of any kind, for any reason
DON'T sleep in their bed, even if it's because you need a place to crash
DON'T ask them for a ride, even if it's to your car
DON'T drink and drama
DO socialize with the band
DO imbibe moderately
DON'T show favoritism to any one member of the band
DON'T leave mash notes on their windshield
DON'T expect the band to escort you out of the club
DON'T follow a band outside as they pack up their equipment
DON'T expect the band to 'party' with you on the same night you've just met them
DON'T trust one band member with a secret you wouldn't want the other band members to know
DON'T wear your heart on your sleeve
DO keep the band at arms length - emotionally and physically
DON'T bring baked goods to the gigs to share with the band
DO wear flattering outfits
DON'T wear revealing outfits
DON'T ask a band member for their photograph
DON'T ask a band member for their autograph
DO ask a band for their website URL
DON'T ask a band if you can attend practice sessions
DON'T wear shoes you might fall in
DON'T bother if the musician is a 'creative genius' with a sociopathic streak
DON'T attend gigs on Full Moon evenings if you are prone to emotional highs and lows. (Full Moons increase emotional intensity.)
DO let your light shine
DON'T burn yourself out
DON'T give them birthday or christmas cards
DO respect the equipment
DO introduce yourself if you are a member of the press
DON'T put yourself in a dangerous situation to see a band(i.e., icy road conditions, walking through dark alleys and bad neighborhoods alone, etc.); there will be other gigs.
DON'T ask for anything (CD's, Tee shirts, ETC.) you're not willing to pay for
DON'T go to gigs if you are emotionally compromised from a bad break up
DO show your appreciation for the band by clapping and dancing
DO follow these guidelines